Peace- When You Wonder What You did Wrong When You Were Raising Your Kids

July 16, 2011


Sometimes I wonder what in the world I did wrong when I was raising my children. I thought I was doing the right things. I tried to treat them fairly. I took them to church and when there was no Sunday school I helped create one. I took them places to “see the world” when they were younger and I really truly took them to see some Amazing and yet devastated parts of the world when they were older. I keep saying I when I really mean WE. Alan and I together. We have no illusions that we could not have done these things as single parents. And yet when your kids grow up, they make all the choices. You cannot call the shots.

How is it I can raise a daughter in the church and yet when she moves out she moves in with her boyfriend for 4 years before they get married? Her father and I don’t put a stamp of approval on it but what can we do if they are over 21 and making their own choices?

How is it I can raise my son in the church and drag him to you group until he is 18 then he decides that we have failed him as a family and rants and raves at all his siblings and us about how WE are the cause of all his troubles? I am shocked and deeply hurt by this, but maybe I have failed this child whom I adopted and whose skin color does not match mine.

These are all the misgivings you go through as you parent and you watch your child go through as they continue to grow up.

These things bother me some, but in retrospect I did the best I could at the time, with what I knew at the time. I believe that my kids will be able to appreciate and understand that one day. I know it was true for me. My mom did the best she could at the time, with what she knew at the time. But as I had kids of my own and I asked advice…She had good advice which I did listen to, and combined with the knowledge I had. I praise her and God for that.

I am excited about my new family members that will arrive in October and in January. I am praying for Ian and Kate that all will continue to go well. I am praying for Isaiah and Kiesha that they can find a place they see eye to eye and can have a relationship that will be good for their child. I cannot control any of this , It is all in God’s hands. All I can do at this time is pray. Won’t you pray for them too?

In Proverbs 22:6 it says: “Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.”

Well, I have trained them up and from my perspective the path has been strayed from but I am not the one who makes that call, and probably, to make the call at this time would be foolish. I think perhaps there has been some straying over the centerline and self correction is happening. Who Knows? Only God!